In Search of An Franchise
 
          

              Besides Barry Bonds' perpetual quest for 756 and the Red Sox's 81 1/2 game lead over the AL East baseball has hit a lull excluding the All-Star Game and the sports landscape has become barren.  The big stories this week were thew end of Wimbledon,  Michelle Wie at the Women's U.S. Open another NASCAR/Busch series race oddly similar to the last 50 we've seen as well as the end of NFL Europa.  Yet while I was looking for a summer sport, I've had one before me all this time in the Arena Football League.

            If you long for the days of Red Grange's low Chicago Bears, the '72 Dolphins' rushing attack of Larry Csonka and Mercury Morris, or the impenetrable Steel Curtain, then turn on ESPN Classic because this isn't it.  However, if you enjoy playing Madden on rookie mode against the CPU while mercilessly racking up points with the Indianapolis Colts against the Cincinatti Bengals utilizing the Pass Heavy offensive playbook(*cough* Joe), then this is for you without the thumb blisters.

          Just a few AFL players who have taken the AFL's dirt path to NFL stardom include NFL Super Bowl and regular ted at season Most Valuable Player Kurt Warner as well as Detroit Lions receiver Mike Furrey who started at free safety the previous season with the Rams based on his experience in AFL playing both offense and defense(which contributes to my theory that Mike Martz would be a great AFL coach).

          Other AFL players who are currently using Arena Football as an impetus to resume their once promise NFL careers include Woody Dantzler, Quincy Carter, Adrian McPherson, and Michael Bishop.

            The AFL even utilizes a few concepts that the NFL would be wise to adapt such as the random in game interviews that are conducted between the booth and head coaches in between plays via headsets.

          The AFL also gets style points in my book for their football equivalent to the old ABA basketball and for naming a 6 ft 9, 350 pound retired athlete(father of USC's All-American offensive tackle Sam Baker) as commissioner.

            There is even an interesting record chase to follow by three quarterbacks vying to end their careers as the AFL's all-time touchdown passer in the AFL's exclusive 800 club before their careers come to a close This touchdown is the equivalent of Brett Favre's chase for Marino's touchdown record if Marino was an active quarterback.

            However, before I can truly immerse myself into a sport, I need to become emotionally invested in it.  Basically, I need a team to root for.  But not just any team, I require a team whose identity matches my personality. First off, I am going to approach this scientifically because I don't wanna be stuck with the AFL version of the Detroit Lions or Los Angeles Clippers.

            So I present the criterion for becoming my AFL team.  
Owners/Management: the AFL is known for it's assortment of celebrity owners from a two time Super Bowl MVP to an impotent NFL legend turned Levitra spokesman, a Grammy winning rock star in addition to a Monday Night Football color analyst.  The coaches also provide NFL credibility from a former Pro Bowl quarterback to the inspiration to Buddy Ryan's 46 defense. 

History: basically do they have a history of losing or winning, though expansion teams get the benefit of the doubt. That simple.
Notable Players: the AFL has been known as a conduit for players to and from the NFL.  Careers have been revived,  born and died in the NFL and is often  the last resort for former NFL stars looking to resuscitate their careers.
City: The region where each team resides will determine how I view their fanbase and whether or not the city has other major pro sports franchises.  To be honest it's basically a measurement of if I had to live there would I go all Jack Nickolson from The Shining from utter boredom.
Bonus points originate from unintentional comedy and other random facts from a teams history.


#9
Philadelphia Soul
Ownership/Management: last minute edition to the list, the Philadelphia Soul are owned by rock star Bon Jovi, Richie Sombara(who once released an album titled Undiscovered Soul) and former Eagles quarterback Ron Jaworski who serves as team president.  +7 points
History: an expansion team in 2004,  the Soul haven't really accomplished much yet and are more famous at this point for being featured on Real World: Philadelphia(back when I watched MTV).  +4 points
Notable Players: Quarterback Tony Graziani signed with the Philadelphia Soul  prior to the 2005 season and became the highest-paid player in league history.  On Sunday, February 13, 2005, in a Week 3 home game against the Nashville Kats Graziani made the single most incredible pass I have ever seen by a quarterback after he got the snap, tripped over his own fullback's foot, and threw an incredible 45-yard TD pass to OS Steve Smith off his own knee with the defensive linemen hovering over him.  Somehow, this play was only #6 on the AFL's 20 Greatest Highlights Countdown.[2]
Now that I want to see JaMarcus Russell do. +7 points
City:  Philly sports fans are possibly the most passionate, loyal and yet critical fans in all of sports.  They extended unconditional brotherly love towards Allen Iverson, wavering support for Donovan McNabb and vitriol towards Terrell Owens.  +5 points
Overall: 23 points

T.-#8
Utah Blaze

Owners/Management:Coached by Danny White, two time Arena Bowl winner as a head coach and owned by an automobile tycoon. +5 points
History:  Offensively, the current Blaze are the NFL version of  the "St.  Louis' Greatest  Show on Turf" and oddly enough their starting quarterback Joe Germaine was a  backup on those great Rams teams. +8 points
Notable Players:  For a good part of the season quarterback Joe Germaine was the most effective and consistent QB in the league and he finished the regular season with 5005 yards passing, 107 TD passes and a 124.4 QB rating.  Jermaine is the only QB in AFL history to throw for 5000 yards. Oh and the ball which got Jermaine past 5000 yards is on display in Canton, Ohio at the NFL Hall of Fame. His best receiver is Siaha Burley, one of the top receivers in the AFL, who also went to middle school with Germaine.  Together they are the NFL's Peyton Manning and Marvin Harrison.  +9 points
City: The city of Utah doesn't really elicit a lot of excitement from me or anyone since John Stockton and Karl Malone retired. +4 points
Overall: 26 points

#8
Los Angeles Avengers


Owners/Managment: The franchise is owned by Casey Wesserman, son of...o.k anytime a sports franchise is owned by the relative of a famous socialite and philanthropist, it's a recipe for disaster. See: Lakers assistant GM Jimmy Buss, trying to takeover the Lakers and Jeannie Buss' relationship with her father-figure, Phil Jackson.   In all seriousness, he is in the running to be the owner of L.A.'s next football franchise.  Be afraid, very afraid. +4 points
History: What exactly are they avenging? Maybe the 66 regular season games that they've lost in 7 years their below .500 record since 2000, their failure t win a playoff game or the inflated prices for a family of four to go to a Raiders game?  The NFL should avenge this travesty by placing an NFL team in Los Angeles. +4 points
Notable Players: I wanted them to win my affection but they're losing me fast.  Their quarterback Sonny Crumbie has the name of a Sopranos hitman but the game of a quarterback who just got whacked.  In comparison he's the AFL's Rex Grossman.  +4 Points
City: The positives are that they play in Staples Center which houses a storied NBA franchise(the Lakers), an overachieving NBDL team,(the Clippers.  See there's a positive way of looking at everything.) a powerhouse WNBA franchise and a championship NHL team in the Kings?  To bad that in a city known for it's winners the Avengers are the ultimate disappointment.  
+10 points
Uniforms:The light blue and red jerseys they wore in the playoffs sound like eyesores but I saw them and kudos to the designer who thought up the "so tacky it just might work" idea. +4 points
Overall: 26 points

#7
San Jose SaberCats

Owners/Management: Jerry Colangelo, the former owner of the Suns and Diamondbacks. +5 points
History: Prior to the the 2000 season the 'Cats had experienced minimal success.  'Cats  have gone 64-24 and have won 2 Arena Bowls since Darren Arbet took over the reigns as head coach. in 1998. +9 points
Notable Players:Quarterback Mark Grieb. +3 points
City: They play in one of the largest cities in the United States and the largest city without an NFL franchise.  the city has an NHL franchise which means the 'Cats are the biggest sports draw in Silicon Valley. +6 points
Bonus Points: The SaberCats official website describes a SabreCat as a vicious creature with teeth designed to inflict deep wounds into it's prey, causing the victim to slowly bleed to death.  They were also serrated like steak knives along their edges to pierce the victim's flesh more easily.  Graphic but I appreciate the honesty. +4 points
Overall: 27

#6
Colorado Crush


Owners/Management: Not to be confused with the Chicago Rush, the principal owner of the Colorado Crush is Bronco legend John Elway. For sheer star power in the state of Colorado he's tops but he'd probably get more points from me if he was playing too. He recently  recommended that the AFL serve as an official farm system for the NFL.  Yeah...Steve Young and Troy Aikman had to retire because of concussions too.  My father would womanize; he would drink.  He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark.)    +8 points
History: In only it's third season, the Crush won Arena Bowl XIX in Las Vegas over the Georgia Force 51-48, off a last second FG.  +8 points.
Notable Players: Wide Receiver Damian Harrell is kind of a big deal and considered the Jerry Rice of the AFL.  He has six straight seasons with 1,200+ yards receiving, is one of only six players in AFL history to have surpassed the 10,000 career receiving yard mark and Named 2006 and 2005 AFL Offensive Player of the Year. 
Cornerback Rashad Floyd is the leading tackler in the AFL and the ultimate playmaker as evidenced by his nine interceptions in 2007.  Their starting quarterback John Dutton... I'm sorry who? +7 points
City:  Where are they?...I was under the distinct impression that Colorado was a state not a city.    2 points
Uniforms: 5 points
Overall: 28 points


#5
Tampa Bay Storm

Owners/Management: Head coach Tim Marcum is the undisputed Lombardi of his sport-- the AFL's Lord of the Rings.   With a record of 156-67 , Marcum has won 7 ArenaBowls in 20 years and 3 of them with Tampa Bay, making him the second greatest coach in the history of the AFL behind Mike Martz. 10 points
History: Storm have qualified for the playoffs every season since 1991 when they moved to St. Petersburg, won 5 AFL championships in addition to losses to in Arena Bowl's I and III.  +10 points
Notable Players: Jay Gruden, brother to Tampa Bay Bucs coach Jay Gruden was quarterback for Tampa Bay from 1991 to '96 before jumping ship to their rivals the Orlando Predators for the 2002 and 2003 AFL seasons while he was an offensive coach with the Buccaneers.  He was once voted the #4 greatest player in AFL history.  +7 points
City: It's called the Lightning Capital of America but what else is there.  To be honest I'd rather swim to Miami.  +5 points
Bonus Points:  In 2001 the AFL's players' union filed a grievance against the Storm after seven of the Storm's players claimed that some of the diamonds in their 2003 AFL championship rings were fake. Six of the seven players had left the team after the 2003 season. The Storm acknowledged that some of the rings did, in fact, include cubic zirconia instead of diamonds- and that different players received greater amounts of diamonds in their rings based on their contributions that season. -3 points
Overall: 29 points

#4
Chicago Rush

Owners/Management:    Ditka may have been tapped by Bayer and GlaxoSmithKline to be their official spokesman for erectile dysfunction medicines but there is nothing dysfunctional about this AFL franchise.  I remember back when every Papa Johns in the Maryland and D.C. would take a dollar off of every large regular sized pizza on Sunday's for each touchdown the Washington Redskins scored. So why not use this for a cross promotion advertisement sponsored by LeVitra and the AFL, "Whenever the Chicago Rush score we all score."  Unfortunately at the pace which the defending AFL champions score touchdown's we'd all be impotent after not too long, which is where LeVitra would come in handy.  A match made in commercial heaven. 10 points.
History: Won Arena Bowl XX.  +7 points
Notable Players:  Wide receiver, Bobby Sippio scored an amazing 53 TDs and every time Chicago needed a big play he was up for the challenge, accumulating 1700 yards receiving.
The best linebacker in the AFL may be DeJuan Alfonzo, Chicago who finished this season in the top 10 of the AFL in tackles with 93, and posted six interceptions, including three he returned for scores. He is also an excellent complementary receiver on offense. +6 points
City:  In my best NFL Films voice: on every Gameday, in the city where the wind doesn't rest, the frigid conditions on the hollowed turf just downtown from Soldier Field blankets the stadium with an aura of legends past, present and strikes fear into the hearts of even the most cold-blooded opponents.  But unfortunately this team, plays indoors during the spring and summer seasons.  7 points
Overall:30 points


T.-#3.
Nashville Cats
Owner/Management:  Majority of the team is owned by Bud Adams, who also owns the Tennessee Titans with country singer Tim McGraw and when the Kats score a touchdown, the PA system blares out one of McGraw's hits, "I Like It, I Love It, I Want Some More of It!"  Not a country fan but I have to respect the novelty. +8 Points
History: Lost two consecutive Arena Bowls in 2000 and 2001. Great another team that can't win the big game. +6 points
Notable Players: Casey Urlacher, brother to Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher and running back Dan Alexander is the premiere running back in the AFL, which isn't saying much considering he led the league in rushing with 426 yards-- 200 yards more than second place.  Alexander holds AFL all-time single-game rushing records with six rushing touchdowns. His 42 rushing touchdowns in 2007  led the AFL in rushing TD's and was twice as many as second place.  However, the Kats gets bonus points for being their uniqueness and being more committed to the run thanany other team in the AFL, and fr featuring the only running back in Arena Football who's actually relevant.  Think of him as the AFL's Bradbury Robinson. 
Ahmad Hawkins mat be the the best cornerback in the AFL . He recorded 13 interceptions, including two he returned for TDs, and posted a solid 71.5 tackles. +9 points
City:  Based in Nashville, the country music capital, which is also home to the Tennessee Titans.  Unfortunately, the Kats probably rank behind the Titans, Grizzlies, the Vanderbilt Commodores and the NHL's Nashville Predators to the local fanbase.  And yes they do have an NHL franchise in Tennessee. +5 points
Bonus Points: Probably the most unique franchise of all the AFL teams for the fact that they actually utilize a running game. +3 points
Overall: 31 points

T.3
Arizona Rattlers
Owners/Management:  Former head coach Danny White, the former Dallas Cowboys Pro Bowl quarterback led the team to 5 Arena Bowls in 12 seasons and lent the AFL's Rattlers a degree of respectability until he was fired after three consecutive ArenaBowl losses.  His replacement failed to lead the Rattlers to the playoffs for the first time in 12 years and resigned after getting busted for possession of cocaine.  +8 points
History:   Been to 5 ArenaBowls winning 2 of them. +9 points
Notable Players: This April, starting quarterback Sherdrick Bonner joined Clint Dolezel and Andy Kelly as the only quarterbacks to throw 800 career touchdown passes throughout his incredible AFL career, he has completed 3,142 passes for 39,549 yards, and 801 touchdowns. He is also the winningest quarterback in AFL history, with 134 regular season victories and 21 playoff wins. +9 points
City:  As poetic as it may sound there's not much there except a desert, sun and some snakes except when the Suns aren't tearing up the NBA on a nightly basis and every March when MLB's spring training takes flight, which makes the Rattlers' success all the more vital to the sanity of it's residents.   +8 points
Overall: 34 points

#3
Georgia Force
Owner/Management:  Living in Atlanta, I know that once the Falcons season has ended, owner Arthur Blank advertises the Force from dusk 'til dawn.  Best part is that if things don't work out with Petrino and Vick this season, they have an open invitation to air it out in the NFL next season. 
          Their head coach is Doug Plank, 2 time AFL coach of the year and Buddy Ryan's Mona Lisa for his fabled 46 defense.  Coach Plank is a defensive-oriented coach and in 2007 his unit gave up a league low 1.6 yards per rushing attempt. The Force offense gets all the publicity, but the defense is pretty good, too.
+9 points
History: The Force's history is more complicated The Talented Mr. Ripley.  They were actually the Nashville Kats until the the Kats became the Force but because the Kats are now back in Nashville as the Kats, the Force's history before 2002 is non existent. Since relocating to Georgia the Force have been to 1 ArenaBowl and this season compiled a 14-2 regular season record.  Their commitment to winning has become apparent early on.  +5 points
Notable Players: Chris Greisen, threw for 117 TD passes with only 12 interceptions. Wide Receiver Chris Jackson caught 145 passes for 1900 yards. +10 points.
City: the city of Atlanta has some of the most fickle and misinformed fans in all of sports.  They've basically ignored the Hawks for 10 years, forgot about the Falcons after they lost Super Bowl XXXIII while fans are now are pushing Vick out of town and don't even realize they have an NHL team that made the playoffs.  With the Braves' 11 year reign over the NL East now over, the public apathy towards the team will rise.  With that said the self proclaimed new Motown has 4 pro sports franchises with bright futures. +7 points
Overall: 31 points

#2
Dallas Desperados

Owners/Management: The owner is Jerry Jones, the visionary who rebuilt the slumping Cowboys franchise and had the gall to have this $1 billion dollar stadium constructed in Arlington, Texas.  However, he is incredibly controlling and overbearing and owner and unfortunately the Desperados won't actually get to play in that billion dollar stadium..  The only way this front office could be any better is if Maverick(I mean the adjective and the NBA franchise) owner Mark Cuban signed on as co-owner, then hired A.J. Smith as G.M. and Marty Schottenheimer to be the head coach. +10 points
History: An expansion franchise founded in 2002, in my eyes if they run the table and win Arena Bowl XXI, they should be nominated for an ESPY in 2008 as Team of the Year.  This season, they've embarked on the most dominating season in AFL history and along the way strapped the NY Dragons to the whipping post by outscoring  them 123-20 in two meetings this season.  Well, it's still not Cumberland vs. Georgia Tech, circa 1916. [Yet as I write this the Desperados season has just ended.]8-2 points= 6 points
 Notable Players: The 2007 AFL MVP will probably be quarterback Clint Dolezel who calls his own plays. His 107-9 TD-to-interception ratio is off the charts and this season he became the first pro quarterback to reach the 800 club. +7 points
City: Dallas, Texas is a bustling metropolis which houses the Cowboys, Mavericks, the Texas Longhorns and brought us Texas Instruments calculators.  Unfortunately, I'm a Redskins fan(Cowboy's biggest rivals) I despise the midwest, I think Dirk Nowitzki is a glamorized porcelain vase and believe that that the T-89 calculator will inch us closer to an inevitable war with machines.( But then again I could be trying to figure out the square root pi with my fingers.) +7 points
Overall: 32 points

#1
Orlando Predators


Owner/Management: The Orlando Predators franchise was awarded by the AFL to Davey Johnson, a former MLB All-Star 2nd baseman and Manager of the Year in February of 1991. +6 points
History: The Predators are undoubtedly one of the premier franchises in the history of the AFL, and have a legendary rivalry with Tampa Bay.  They have met twice in the ArenaBowl, with Tampa Bay winning in 1995 and Orlando winning in 1998. The rivalry, nicknamed the "War OnI-4" after the interstate that connects the two cities, intensified when Jay Gruden, a legend in Tampa Bay's history as their quarterback, became Orlando's head coach.  The rivalry intensified in 2007 even further when quarterback Shane Stafford signed with the Predators after 5 seasons as quarterback of the Tampa Bay Storm.
            On Friday, June 19, 1992, in a Week 4 road game against the Detroit Drive,  and the Predators trailed 42-32 with only 49 seconds left. In a miraculous feat, WR/DB Barry Wagner would catch two touchdown passes, get two two-point conversions, recover an onside kick, and even make the game-winning tackle. Orlando would win 50-49. Orlando's most amazing comeback would forever be known as The Miracle Minute. On the AFL's 20 Greatest Highlights Countdown, this is was #1.[1]
          6 days earlier the Predators were responsible for the only shutout in AFL history by crushing the San Antonio Force 50-0. +10 points
Notable Players: Quarterbacks Shane Stafford and Jay Gruden. You have to love a team that lures the best players away from their bitter rivals and then promotes one of them to head coach..  Best pass rusher might be Greg White who in a league where it is hard to get to the QB, White posted an amazing 15 sacks (14 solo) during the regular season. He has excellent quickness off the edge and his tenacity is unrivaled. +10 points
City: Anybody that knows me is aware that behind California and D.C., Florida is one of my favorite destinations plus Florida is already a football hotbed. Plus with Disney World just miles away, the fun never ends in sunny Orlando except when the Orlando Magic start playing. +7 Points
Bonus Points: I found it hilarious how their nickname is an ode to a public hazard in the state-- sexual predators.  It may be a stretch but considering Florida is stereotyped as a haven for child sex predators where fittingly millions of children from around the world visit the nearby theme parks in droves especially during the spring and summer seasons when coincidentally... the AFL season kicks off.  I thought it was  pretty gutsy but somehow they've gotten away with it after all these years. +5 Points
Overall: 38 points...in a runaway.  Lock up your children cause predators are on the prowl.


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